Weekly News from Fyksland
Coverage and translation provided by Info-Iksä
English Edition 200109

Sunday, 12 August, 2001
Simon takes home gold
EDMONTON, Canada (AP) - The stadium cheered on as 27 year-old Lidia Simon took home gold for the Women's Marathon Final at the 8th IAAF World Championships. Wearing bib number 650, Simon came to a spectacular finish at a close 2:26:01 at Commonwealth Stadium, 5 seconds ahead of the second place finisher. This was the 2nd and last medal won by Fyksian atheletes at the competition, Arsi Harju took home bronze for the Men's Shot Put event last Saturday. (to read more...)

Monday, 13 August, 2001
Teens bodies found
PORTI IKSTIS, Viske (PF) - Two male bodies have been found on the shore 2 miles southeast of Lótimúð. The bodies have been identified as the remains of two of the three missing teens who were thrown overboard last Sunday. Officials from the Royal Marine Force claim that the chance of recovering the third body would be next to impossible at this time. (to read more...)

Tuesday, 14 August, 2001
Blood needed in hell
KAANSÄ, (VKK) - Red Cross Fyksland came once again underfire today as an ill-planned statement was made. "We regret to keep homosexuals from donating blood, but chances are they'd need it more when they are in hell," said President Kvete Homavope as she was explaining about the organisation's policies. Red Cross Fyksland has been turning away homosexuals donors since 1979. (to read more...)

Wednesday, 15 August, 2001
Resignation demanded
KAANSÄ, (VKK) - Public outrage calls for the immediate resignation of Kvete Homavope as the president of Red Cross Fyksland following her discriminatory comment yesterday. Picket lines block entrances to many blood clinics across the country today as protesters try to stop donors and employees alike from accessing Red Cross premises. "This has been blown completely out of proportion," said Homavope. (to read more...)
Protesters arrested
NIEKOPENHAAG, Jølantä (AP) - Three demonstrators were arrested while congregating outside a Red Cross clinic this afternoon. The three men were arrested on vandalism charges as they were caught throwing over 2 gallon pails of red paint at the premise. One of the arrested were also caught spray painting the derogatory slogans on the front window of the office. There were no injuries. (to read more...)

Thursday, 16 August, 2001
Homavope to resign
KAANSÄ, (VKK) - Red Cross Fyksland President Kvete Homavope announced her resignation this morning. "I'm doing this for the benefit of the entire organisation," said Homavope at a news conference. Vice-president Hamle Kirsi will take over Homavope's post as the new president. "There will be new changes to our organisation and our policies," said Kirsi as he accepted his new position. (to read more...)
Stem cell breakthrough
KAANSÄ, (VKK) - Researchers have successfully harvested stem cells from mouse brains, a breakthrough which could reduce the need to use human embryos for this purpose. Thursday's issue of the science journal Vörsighvimsøt reports the successful research by the University of Kaansä. (to read more...)

Friday, 17 August, 2001
Macedonia force decision delayed
SKOPJE, Macedonia (Reuters) - A vanguard force headed to Macedonia as NATO delayed a decision on whether to deploy thousands more troops to collect arms from rebels. A team of 12 Fyksian logisticians and technicians flew out on a Vira military transport aircraft today headed for Skopje as part of a NATO advance mission. The rest of the 150-strong advance force will fly in during the weekend to set up headquarters. (to read more...)

Saturday, 18 August, 2001
Burning popcorn clears opera house
LAAKTUMAA, Øtali-Þorja (AP) - A scorched bag of microwave popcorn led to the evacuation of Laaktumaa's Prince Alæsi Opera House during a performance by the Royal Fyksian Ballet. Around 1500 people were forced to wait outside the building after an alarm sounded during the second interval Saturday night. The alert was caused by a bag of microwaveable popcorn which was being cooked by a dancer. "The microwave seemed fine but there wasn't much left of the popcorn," said the spokeperson for Laaktumaa Fire Department. (to read more...)

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`Dui Lantä havete endeligte spreijkeut, torlaate i plislaate, pa einte individtøl et'tideligaal, i øt'sokaal uit peel kompætila inslikinte mæt so planak satana.'
-Vaijskäna Alþigkvøna Jana Stotson op Euro manavstemninke kömenteer (7a Sijþsku, 1999)
`Dui Lantá hafete endeligte spreykeut, torlute i plislute, pa einte indifidtýl et'tideligul, i ýt'sokul uit pál kompútila inslikinte mút so planak satana.'
-Fayskána Alðigkvýna Jana Stotson op Euro manavstemninke kómýntar (7a Syðsku, 1999)
"The nation has finally spoken, loud and clear, to distinguish herself as an individual, and to save herself from completely swallowed by such demonic plan."
-Fyksland Prime Minister Jana Stotson on the Euro Referendum (7th September, 1999)

Søgso NØJ an Euro! Sýgso NÝJ an Euro! Say NO to Euro!