Weekly News from Fyksland
Coverage and translation provided by Info-Iksä
English Edition 200110

Sunday, 19 August, 2001
Thulin's Rosa on eBay
KAANSÄ, (VKK) - The much sought after 1970 Mercedes-Benz 280SE owned by former Cannes Best Actress winner Ingrid Thulin is now being auctioned on eBay. The pink Benz, or Rosa, as Thulin used to affectionately call it, has been the favourite vehicle for the Swedish actress when she took up residence in Kaansä from 1970-1984. The auction of the vehicle opened at the well-known U.S.-based Internet auction site at 1-million kron. The family spokeperson says the proceed will go to several of Thulin's favourite charities. (to read more...)

Monday, 20 August, 2001
Cryo clinic raided
LAAKTUMAA, Øtali-Þorja (AP) - Police raided an office unit in Olgaad and arrested three females and ten males after a week-long surveillence. Operating under the cover as a "cryogenic centre", the premises have been using live male and female models as "stimulants". Over 20kg of packaged human semen were seized from the premises that were ready for shipment to Canada and other Scandinavian countries. The owner was charged with operating without an adult entertainment license and illegal operation of a fertility clinic. There are currently seven registered sperm banks in Fyksland. (to read more...)

Tuesday, 21 August, 2001
Viske urges to create own citizenship
PORTI IKSTIS, Viske (PF) - Creating a seperate Viske citizenship and "unilingualising" public institutions are among the key recommendations announced today in the final report of a high-profile commision on the state of Iskfjordic in the duchy. The report, the product of a 1-million kron study, calls for a tougher protection of the dialect usage. The report, "State of Iskfjordic in Viske", claims that the current "semi-official" language status within Fyksland jeopardises the survival of the dialect. It also recommended the duchy to issue its own coinage and banknotes that is unilingual in Iskfjordic. (to read more...)

Wednesday, 22 August, 2001
Stotson calls Visken report "ludicrous"
KAANSÄ, (VKK) - The Visken report released yesterday stirred up another violent storm at the Parliament on the issue of Iskfjordic. "Completely ludicrous," was all Prime Minister Stotson had to comment about the recommendations suggested within report commisioned to investigate the state of the Iskfjordic dialect in the Duchy of Viske. "We know what they are up to," Stotson later added, "they are essentially draining Federal money for their own independence, which is totally ridiculous." (to read more...)
European markets climb
KAANSÄ, (VKK) - European markets rose in light trading ahead of a U.S. interest rate decision. Drug and telecom stocks led gains. Vastoki Index inched up 0.8 percent to 5,309.4 at the close of the market today. On the Continent, London's FTSE 100 rose 1.4 percent to 5,430.3 and the blue-chip CAC 40 in Paris climbed 0.9 percent to 4,834.87, while Frankfurt's Xetra Dax reversed earlier losses, rising 0.4 percent to 5,228.58 in late trading. (to read more...)

Thursday, 23 August, 2001
Consulate quarter bomb scare
KAANSÄ, (VKK) - The U.S Embassy and neighbouring foreign consulate buildings were evacuated apparently after a rumour of a bomb threat began to spread around 1:30pm this afternoon. Police, fire-fighters and bomb experts arrived to the scene soon after the 909 emergency call, but found no explosives. Police later found a red helium ballon caught by one of the satelite dishes on the roof of the embassy that may have caused the paranoia. "When the lives and safety of the American people are of concern, a threat like this cannot be ignored," said U.S. Ambassador Dan Owen after the incident, "and this incident is completely independent of what happened in New York today." (to read more...)

Friday, 24 August, 2001
Canadian plane makes emergency landing in the Azores
LAJES, Azores Islands (AP) - An Air Transat jetliner from Canada developed a mechanical problem over the Atlantic and made an emergency landing on the Azores Islands, terrifying passengers and injuring nine people. Flight TS 236 from Toronto, carrying 291 passengers and 13 crew, was en route to Lisbon after a stopover in Niekopenhaag. The pilot noticed the Airbus 330 developed a fuel leak about half an hour after take off from Niekopenhaag International Airport. According to Air Transat, fifteen Fyksian nationals were on board, two of which suffered minor injuries. (to read more...)
US Embassy seeks airspace restriction
KAANSÄ, (VKK) - The U.S. Embassy seeks airspace restriction after the false bomb threat alarm yesterday. The embassy authority is planning to apply for exclusive air-rights immediately above the premise from the City of Kaansä, which restrict kites, model aircrafts, ballons and other airborne devices from entering. The embassy officials also hope that the proposed fines and penalty will help reinforce the trespassing by-law, and stop the similar confusion and threat from occuring again. (to read more...)

Saturday, 25 August, 2001
Le-Ana to sue magazine
KAANSÄ, (AP) - Fyksian pop vixen Le-Ana is suing a magazine and a reporter for alleging she has a relationship with an American female wrestler. Le-Ana says the story in Däg! is "absolutely false" as she filed the half-a-million kron defamation suit yesterday against Däg!'s parent company VaijStar O.E. and reporter Kaal Lindvog. The article, which appeared in the gossipy tabloid's 25 July edition, says Le-Ana recently spent a week together with wrestler Chyna in Amsterdam. The singer was accused of marijuana usage, which she also denies. (to read more...)

`Dui Lantä havete endeligte spreijkeut, torlaate i plislaate, pa einte individtøl et'tideligaal, i øt'sokaal uit peel kompætila inslikinte mæt so planak satana.'
-Vaijskäna Alþigkvøna Jana Stotson op Euro manavstemninke kömenteer (7a Sijþsku, 1999)
`Dui Lantá hafete endeligte spreykeut, torlute i plislute, pa einte indifidtýl et'tideligul, i ýt'sokul uit pál kompútila inslikinte mút so planak satana.'
-Fayskána Alðigkvýna Jana Stotson op Euro manavstemninke kómýntar (7a Syðsku, 1999)
"The nation has finally spoken, loud and clear, to distinguish herself as an individual, and to save herself from completely swallowed by such demonic plan."
-Fyksland Prime Minister Jana Stotson on the Euro Referendum (7th September, 1999)

Søgso NØJ an Euro! Sýgso NÝJ an Euro! Say NO to Euro!