Weekly News from Fyksland
Coverage and translation provided by Info-Iksä
English Edition 200120

Sunday, 28 October, 2001
Maria S. found dead in swimming pool
NIEKOPENHAAG, Jølantä (AP) - Twenty-seven year old model-actress Märiane Sketþerge aka. Maria S. was found dead early morning drown in a swimming pool in her suburban Niekopenhaag mansion. Investigators do not know the exact cause of death at this point. (to read more...)

Monday, 29 October, 2001
Literacy test cancelled
KAANSÄ, (VKK) - Grade 6 students get a relief today as the nation-wide Academic Aptitude Test originally scheduled for today was cancelled last-minute after portion of the test was found posted on the Internet over the weekend. The test will be rescheduled next monday. In a press release, Minister of Education Jona Haamijsä said, "The prosecution of the website owner will be difficult because the website appears to be located on a foreign web-server." (to read more...)

Tuesday, 30 October, 2001
Fly free on Hallowe'en if you're Black or Orange
KAANSÄ, (AP) - Leave your broom stick in the closet when you can fly free on SvenesÆr if your surname is "Mustä", "Oranje" or any other related variations. SvenesÆr offers free flight to anyone with the Hallowe'en-coloured last name to anywhere around the world tomorrow. This latest promotion attempts to draw back lost SvenesÆr customers from the last 2 months. It's estimated about 61,000 people in Fyksland are eligible for this promotional offer. (to read more...)

Wednesday, 31 October, 2001
No trick or treating at the Palace and the Prime Minster's
KAANSÄ, (VKK) - Due to security concerns and recent climate of terrorist scares, the Prime Minster's residence and the Lækvogen Palace will not be opened to the public this year on Hallowe'en night. This tradition of opening up 15 Sketigte Straat and the palace gate for children trick or treating has been an age-old tradition since early 1880s from the days of King Kristian IV. Despite long line-ups and the typical cold Hallowe'en nights in Kaansä, generations of royal watchers and their children come to expect a peek at the King's and the Queen's costumes and receive candies from the Royal Couple. (to read more...)

Thursday, 1 November, 2001
The night of all saints
KAANSÄ, (VKK) - Saints and gobblins alike crowded the streets marked this year's Hallowe'en-All Saints' Day celebrations in Kaansä last night. The bright tree-lined King Kristian VI Boulevard turned eerie as thousands of revellers in all assortment of medival to contemparary costumes carrying torches while singing ancient chants were marching towards a 3-storeys bonfire that is traditionally placed at the middle of Kildønvog Square on Hallowe'en night. Kildønvog Square used to be the site of large public hangings and witch burning spectacles from the 9th to the 14th Centuries. (to read more...)
Driving with hand-held cellphone banned
KAANSÄ, (VKK) - Effective today, hands-free device for mobile phone must be used in all vehicles across Fyksland. Violators will be given warnings till 1st December, but after that date, anyone caught holding a cellphone while driving will be fined 100 krons for the first offense, 200 for the second offense and 400 for the third. After three offenses the driver will risk license suspension for one month. Passed in late April this year, the bill was created in hope to control rising vehicle accident related to cellphone usage. (to read more...)

Friday, 2 November, 2001
Ban on light, mild cigarettes 'justified': study
KAANSÄ, (VKK) - The federal government's plan to ban light and mild cigarettes is "justified" by scientific evidence that shows those brands are no more safe - and could actually be more dangerous - than regular cigarettes, says a report commissioned for Health Minister Pite Kohnä. The report, obtained by the Kaansä Poste, concludes that the tobacco industry's use of "light" and "mild" labels for their products is "a major public health problem that have already contributed to the deaths of thousands of Fyksians. (to read more...)

Saturday, 3 November, 2001
Anthrax alert in Laaktumaa
LAAKTUMAA, Øtali-Þorja (VKK) - A suspicious letter was preliminary tested positive for anthrax in Laaktumaa today, sources say. The letter, posted from Berlin, Germany has a return address in Kabul, Afghanistan, is addressed to an office in Laaktumaa. Authorities won't say to whom the letter was addressed until anthrax test result are fully completed. Postal workers alerted police after having identified the suspicious mail while conducting routine sorting at the Central Postal Office in Laaktumaa. The postal workers are tested negative for anthrax. (to read more...)

`Ondør händlig du storste im mänesorter liskhiedek igøt uitvøjaut. Heler, a einöinaut mondäe määnien.'
-Vaijskäna Alþigkvøna Jana Stotson (16a Sijþsku, 2001)
`Ondýr hándlig du storste im mánesorter liskhiedek igýt uitvýjaut. Heler, a einóinaut mondáe máánien.'
-Fayskána Alðigkvýna Jana Stotson (16a Syðsku, 2001)
"The greatest deed of evil in the history of mankind has deterred nothing. Rather, it has united the world's people."
-Fyksland Prime Minister Jana Stotson (16th September, 2001)